Daaaaaaria, I wont be soothed
Current mood:
He reminds of the brother I always wished my had been. Honest, considerate, forgiving, firm but not overbearing, critical but not harsh, loving but not overly affectionate. Its no wonder I crave his friendship so badly. I turn into little sister sarah when hes around. I try not to, but its so easy, so fitting. It would be akward for me to ask him to adopt me as a little sister wouldnt it?
My heart hurts when I think about how my brothers arent this way with me. How Rich has destroyed any potential relationship we could have had b/c of his stubbornness and grudges. How Andrew always expects me to be this overreacting drama queen who is angry all the time and refuses to see me as anything else b/c he doesnt care. How hurt I am when they are around and barely say two words in my direction and instead absorb Tom into their worlds. Maybe I should step up, but past behavior dictates that it wouldnt matter. So now its time for me to accept this how it stands, the same way I accepted my father for who he is and not the one I wanted him to be. Except these wounds are too deep and refuse to heal. I need to stop picking and find the right medication to apply. Scars fade with time but open wounds dont heal on their own. Soon I'll find the right breeze to throw it all into...
right breeze to throw it all into...I hope.
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